Airports

Airports are a bit different here in China. The differences are fairly striking and our experience at the Shanghai Airport has us yearning for Southwest’s “Cattle Call” and Chili’s Too.

First, the airport is gigantic – there is no doubt one could see it from space.

Second, the runway is forever and a day from the terminal. Imagine taxiing from Dallas to Houston or Kansas City to St. Louis.

Third, the dining choices are a bit limited. If you’re not interested in the government run noodle diner (where even the waiters smoke) then you’re pretty much S.O.L.

Fourth, the bathrooms are in the basement, with no elevator access, and the stairs are at an angle so steep the guy who climbed Mount Everest wouldn’t even attempt it. Thus, if you have some form of disability or are old, you have two choices … hold it or wet yourself.

Fifth, if you have never been burly enough to participate in American Gladiators or Professional Wrestling, then it’s best if you just wait until everyone else has retrieved their luggage before approaching the bag belt. Never before has Scott wanted to “go postal” until he was upended by a spry 95 year old Chinese woman trying to get to her box of luggage large enough to contain a dead body.