Shanghai or the Addams Family?

The street where Scott turns into his office has several small shops that sell various things - there's a convenience store, a noodle hut, etc. He passes this strip every single day, but today is the first day he noticed that one of stores has its name in English in very small print below the Chinese characters. As good as it must be, Scott does not see himself walking over for a lunch of "Delicious Gruel" anytime soon.

Fashionable…or not so much?

One of the real curious fashion differences between Shanghai and Dallas is the way men here carry their cash, credit cards, and personal belongings. Instead of opting for the very popular “wallet” they instead opt for a very large over-the- shoulder attaché.

It’s not just ultra-hip, metrosexual, 20-something men who look like they just stepped out of the J Crew catalog – it’s everyone. When you get on an airplane, every aisle has at least two of these bags hanging from the seat in from of them. Mr. Chen (our driver) even has one. We never imagined we’d say this, but the “man purse” is alive and well here in China!

Pronoun Problems

In Mandarin there is really no pronoun for “he” and “she.” “Ta” refers to both he and she and does not distinguish between male and female. At first, it was difficult to understand a native Mandarin speaker speaking English because they use “he” for everyone. After a while however, we just got used to the fact that “he” can be male or female in China.

The issue is that Lillie, while having learned English very quickly, still doesn’t have her pronouns down worth a darn. In fact, to her, everyone isn’t “he,” but instead, “she” or “her” – including Scott. Usually, he has no problem with this, but last weekend he did take offense when she said to Annie as he emerged from the bathroom, “Mommy, she go potty like a big girl!”

Precarious Perch

As we were driving down the road the other day, we glanced up and saw a man fixing a window air conditioner on about the 25th floor of an apartment building. The window unit was very similar to the window units in the U.S. and appeared to be held in place by the window sitting on top of it (just like the U.S.). However, unlike the U.S. where OSHA would require one to use a ladder or some sort of elaborate harness system to prevent serious maiming, this man was just sitting on the air conditioner bending down at the waste to fix the side. The only thing preventing this man from plunging to certain death was a five pound window and the lip of a window air conditioner … and we thought Fear Factor was dangerous?!?!

Faux-pas

Last week, Scott was pulled aside by a Chinese colleague after a meeting with a customer. He was told that he was doing a great job learning the Chinese culture and etiquette, but there was a slight problem. It seems that Scott wasn’t making a loud enough noise when eating soup and noodles – basically he wasn’t “slurping” loud enough. His colleague remarked, “The customer will think you didn’t like the food!”

Taking this to heart and deciding to fully embrace the culture, at lunch the next day Scott let out a small belch in the middle of the meal. Three people looked up from their food immediately and then nodded happily at his show of appreciation!

For Sale ... In the Bathroom?

While traveling this week, Scott came across a basket in the bathroom at the hotel with items for sale. The card, which was English on one side and Chinese on the other, had the following items for purchase:

Paid Consumable:
Male-like Sock
Female-like Sock
Male-like Underpants
Female-like Underpants
Bath Salt

The Bath Salt is understandable – now why you have to pay $3 for it is another story, but nonetheless it made sense to include in the “mini-bar for the bathroom.” However, we wonder how many people actually would be interested in the Socks and Underpants, and what exactly is the definition of “male-like” and “female-like?”

Things that Make You Go Hmmm?!?! – Travel Edition

Scott travels quite a bit here in China. Recently he has observed some fairly curious things.

He was traveling down a major highway in a central China province that is notorious for crime and corruption. At one point, he looked up and saw what appeared to be a police officer standing on a platform off in the distance. As the car approached the figure, he noticed that it was just a mannequin dressed in a police uniform. There was no sign accompanying this “officer” - just a scowling Caucasian lawman. Who knew “Scarecrows” still served a purpose? Hmmm?!?!

While waiting in a slow line 40 deep to get through security at the airport, Scott noticed that several travelers were taking advantage of a special line to his right. The line was titled “For Staff, VIP, First Class, the Old, the Slow, and the Pregnant.” Hmmm?!?!

On his train trip last week, Scott noticed the presence of a paper sack for one to expel vomit if so desired. He didn’t think anything of it as it is probably fairly common for people to get sick while on the train. However, after closer inspection, he noted the bag was titled “Airsickness Bag.” Hmmm?!?!.

If all of the TV channels in the hotel room are in Chinese then why do you need the list of stations in English? Hmmm?!?!.

Fun on the Train

Scott had to take the train the last few days on a business trip. The trip to Nanjing (about two hours via the high speed train) is usually quite “educational,” but this excursion was particularly intriguing because there were no First Class tickets available so he had to travel in Second Class for the first time.

At first he was fairly impressed – the seats were pretty nice (similar to Coach on an airplane). Little did he know the decibel level “in the back of the bus” would be so brain rattling. He equated it to that of a fraternity party – all that was lacking were a few kegs (though cans of beer are sold by the drink cart man and in the vending machine in the waiting hall).

He witnessed some quirky folks, but none more so than his seatmate on his way to Nanjing. The highlight of the trip was her talking on three different cell phones at one time. He’s pretty sure she wasn’t talking to three different people, but rather just having a conference call with herself to pass the time. The alter ego on the Blackberry must have been the supervisor because she was letting the Nokia owner have a piece of her mind while the Motorola user was taking notes. The conference call ended abruptly however when the Nokia owner’s phone went caput. In order to try to fix the problem, she took the battery out and began to slam the phone down on the tray table as hard as she could. Scott considered offering to stand up and jump on it for her, but was concerned she might actually take him up on his offer.

Procuring Pizza

Tonight Scott stopped on his way home to pick up Papa John’s for dinner (because Mei Mei Xi Huan Pisa). The Papa John’s is located in a shopping square right next to a busy subway stop that is always hopping with people. As he made his way to pickup the pizza, he noticed an extremely long line near the Papa John’s. He assumed that maybe a famous person was their signing autographs because it was the type of crowd that only Jackie Chan or Yao Ming might draw. As he neared the mass of people he noticed that these people were not in fact waiting for an autograph, but rather waiting to withdraw money from the ATM – 26 people in all were waiting anxiously to get to their cold hard cash. He shook his head in disbelief and made his way inside to pick up his pizza.

After disembarking from Papa John’s he passed a group of men working on a building expansion. These men were doing some heavy welding on the new structure. At first he thought it was particularly unsafe that these fellas didn’t have any kind of protective barrier between the sparks and their faces. However, at that very moment he noticed there was also no barricade to prevent sparks from flying off on unsuspecting Americans walking by with an armload of pizza. He adeptly leaped two feet in the air like a fool to avoid the fiery discharge. As he collected his breath and proceeded to the car he glanced to his left and noticed that his escapade had just made 26 people’s 45 minute wait for $10 well worth it.

Observations of Lillie Maud

Lillie Maud (aka Bu Chou) has now lived with us for over five months. Through these very interesting months, it has been incredible to see her change so rapidly. For one, her grasp of the English language is amazing. This was particularly evident when yesterday after Scott “tooted.” She asked “Daddy did you poo-poo or just pass gas?”

She has also taken to western food quite rapidly as well. She still likes Chinese food and eats it regularly, but has discovered the greatness the west brings to food also. Here are a few examples:

• Whenever she sees the sign for Papa John’s, she says “Mei Mei Xi Huan Pisa,” which means “Little Sister likes pizza” (and no, to answer your question, we have no idea why she refers to herself in the third person).
• We have to keep the Pringles, or “crackers” as she calls them, on the high shelf because on multiple occasions we have caught her with one arm fully immersed in the can.
• No living being has enjoyed Reese’s Pieces this much since “E.T. The Extraterrestrial.”
• Chicken doesn’t stand a chance when she’s at the table. Whether it’s nuggets, strips, balls, or on-the-bone, she puts a hurtin’ on fried poultry.
• She is convinced Handi-Snacks are a dietary staple.
• If there was a Rice-a-Roni eating contest she would be the World Champion. If there was ever a person that could sustain themselves on merely the “San Francisco Treat,” it would be her.

New Employee

One of the big changes around the house over the last month is that we have a new housekeeper. Our old housekeeper, Mae, tendered her resignation in early March which prompted a search for a replacement. After talking (through a translator) with several candidates we settled on a Xue Feng - an early thirties woman with absolutely ZERO knowledge of the English language.

At first we were a bit concerned. While Mae was not perfect, (we were, in fact, pondering making a change before her departure) she had been with us for 8 months and knew the routine. She was also learning English very quickly which greatly helped communication. However, after one month of Xue Feng working for us, we have absolutely no more apprehension. This woman is so good that we're severely concerned that she is a retention risk. If she decides to market her skills elsewhere she could get snapped up by any of the following:

• The Gap - She could join their staff as a traveling instructor of the class "Folding 101."
• The Container Store - Organization is her middle name. Every cabinet in the house has gotten a once over - she has created at least 20 additional cubic meters of storage space in the house.
• Billy Bob's Window Cleaning - She has been with us for four weeks and has cleaned the insides and outsides of all the windows ... twice.
• The Army - The Sarge would be quite impressed by the tightness of her bed making - Juliet is convinced she uses glue.
• Victoria's Secret - She organizes Annie's bras by color, hue (cream and bright white are separated, and type (underwire is separated from padded, strapless, etc, etc).
• Dry Clean Supercenter - The woman starches and irons underpants - how cool is that?

Who Needs an Alarm Clock?

Once you get outside the walls of our housing community, things are REALLY different. In fact there is a wooded area with a creek across the street from our compound. Often you'll see people fishing in the creek hoping to catch breakfast. This morning while standing by the side of the street waiting for the school bus, Scott and Juliet had the following conversation:

Juliet: "You know when mom and I were waiting out here a while ago we heard a cock-a-doodle-doo coming from over there?"
Scott: "Really, there are roosters over there huh?"
Juliet: "Yea, and lots of dogs and cats too."
Scott: "No there's not, I drive by here everyday and I've never seen any animals."
Juliet: "I promise you ... there are lots of them ... see, right there ... a dog."

Sure enough at that moment, a stray dog could be seen darting through trees off in a distance. So when he arrived home, he approached Annie about the critters across the way.

Anne: "Oh yea, there's all kinds of things over there. In fact there used to be at least 5 or 6 roosters because I heard them all the time, but I think someone ate them, thank goodness, because it's been much quieter in the mornings lately ... except of course for the dynamite that goes off once a week at 8am in the construction site nearby."

A Few Curious Questions

Very rarely does Scott not have a answer to something - even if his answer is a load of B.S. However, while on our trip to Hong Kong, he was posed with two questions that he just didn't know how to answer.

1. After spending three nights at the Disney hotel, we moved to a hotel in downtown Hong Kong for one night in a room overlooking the city. Scott was admiring the gourgeous view when Juliet (a budding reader who was also taking in the sights) asked the following question. "Dad, what does "V.I.P. ... S A U N A," spell." Do we really think she believed his answer that it was a health club for rich people?

2. At the top of Victoria's Peak, Annie queried him after spotting the following sign which was a bit of a headscratcher. He assumed hawking meant spitting but since it was not near a locale that would be prime spitting territory, he was a bit dumbfounded.

Not Much Business

The picture below was taken near the Big Buddha in Hong Kong. The monestary is right around the corner, and by the looks of this place, we're guessing the police don't get much action in this area.

The Big Buddha

One afternoon, while in Hong Kong, we ventured off the Disney property to do some sightseeing. We took a cable car up a mountain in search of “The Largest Bronze Seated Buddha in the World.” When we got to the base of the steps we all looked up in silence to marvel at the impending steepness of our climb and the enormous “Big Buddha” before us. After about 20 seconds of us all staring in awe, Juliet (apparently an expert in Buddhist artifacts) remarked matter-of-factly “Mom … that’s a really nice Buddha!"