A few pics

We haven't posted many pics lately so here's one of each girl from last week:

Juliet before heading off to "Wacky Day" at school:

Lillie getting ready for a day with dad:

Shanna looking like a 64 year old Chinese woman:

Do you need a forklift for that?

We have been traveling quite a bit the last few years and have made several trips back and forth to the U.S. while we've lived in Shanghai. In China, the airlines really don't fool around ... they only allow one carry-on ... it can be a purse, a suitcase, a computer bag, a baby doll, a satchel, or an attache. It doesn't matter the size or the substance ... one carry-on.

This makes overhead bin space usually easy to get, but can cause for some odd scenes such as when grandpa and grandma decide they each want to take rice cookers to the grand kids in Wuhan. There's nothing like two five-foot Chinese people with their chins resting on their knees because two of the biggest rice cookers ever seen by the human eye are wedged between their seats and the ones in front of them.

In the U.S. however, overhead bin space is at a premium. If you're not one of the first 13 people on a 120 seat plane then you're going to be out of luck. It's absolutely ridiculous ... especially when Freida Jo from Tallahassee gets her panties in a wad because they can't accommodate the Lazy Boy she picked up while "antiquing" in Cleveland. You just want to shake these people ... it's called a "CARRY" on ... if you can't "CARRY" it then put it underneath.

Given our immense travel experience we have a few suggestions for rule improvements for carry-on baggage:

1. If you have to ask aloud "can someone help me lift this?" then it's too big
2. If you are bringing a safety seat for your child you must forfeit 1 carry-on. No one wants to get decapitated by the clumsy, beatdown dad who loses control of the Graco while balancing a car seat, a stroller, four McDonald's sacks, a pizza from Sbarro, and a 300 pound diaper bag.
3. If the placing of one's carry-on involves standing on the seat or being hoisted by a buddy then you're out of luck.
4. A backpack hidden underneath one's shirt to try to pass as a pregnant man is not considered "part of one's person."
5. Musical instruments do not classify as "personal items"

A Little Bling

Yesterday Annie and Scott stopped in at a women's clothing store as they were having a massive outerwear sale that couldn't be missed. After browsing for a while and selecting about 6 items to try on, Annie made her way to the dressing room. After popping out to look in the mirror, Annie was greeted by a smiling sales clerk who proceeded to make sure "all the parts were in the right place." A little surprised by the rub down but determined to try on all the pieces Annie headed behind the curtain again.

When she came out the next time she was greeted by not one but two sales clerks and two curious shoppers. All thought she looked fabulous but was missing something. They all began to pilfer through the costume jewelry that was strategically placed near the dressing room area. After much discussion (and what appeared to be several arguments), they decided on some terribly huge and gaudy gold chains as the perfect accessory to the sleak black and grey number that she was modeling. A wide-eyed Annie turned to Scott who had covered his face to hold in the laughter.

After convincing the "help" that she didn't have enough chest hair to really justify buying the 1970s necklace, Annie finished trying on the items and quickly rushed out to meet her waiting husband with a frustrated look on her face. Reassuringly, Scott told her to look on the bright side ... "If Mr. T ever calls wanting to know where to find some new bling, you'll know where to send him."

Golden Arches

Yesterday McDonald's announced that it would open an additional 500 stores in China over the next 3 years. McDonald's isn't bad here in China ... it's pretty close to its counterpart in the states ... but not exactly:

In the U.S. the most asked question is "Would you like fries with that?" ...
In China it is "Would you like fries or a bowl of cold corn with that?"

In the U.S. pickles are standard ...
In China, pickles are replaced by raw cucumbers

In the U.S. they claim that they'll make your burger the way you like it ...
In China a special request is greeted by a blank stare and a plethora of confusion amongst the army of smiling staffers

In the U.S. you are greeted by a surly human being who appears to want to punch you in the face ...
In China when a person walks into the place every worker (including the fry cook) shouts "Welcome" in Chinese

In the U.S. there are very few restaurants without drive thru's ...
In China the drive thru is nonexistent and the dining area is so packed with people that those patrons waiting for a place to sit will just come set their food on your table and hover until you're finished.

In the U.S. the most popular sandwich is the Big Mac ...
In China the most popular sandwich has to be the Filet O' Fish ... you wouldn't believe the number of Chinese people that are getting 4 days worth of caloric intake from that tasty fried cod patty

Aussie Speak

As we have said before, Juliet's first grade teacher is a wonderful woman from Australia. She has been such a great teacher for Juliet. However, we're a little worried what the kids in America are going to think about some of the "Queen's English" that Juliet has picked up. Here are a few of phrases Juliet has used this year along with their "American English" equivalent:

Mummy = Mommy
Half past five = Five thirty
Pigeon hole = Cubbie hole
Pattie pans = Muffin cups
Have a go = Give it a try
Ring them up = Call them on the phone

There's nothing we can do, but the first time Juliet says "it's high time we have a spot of tea in the afternoon" we'll know it's time to get that kid back to Texas and re-teach her about Dr. Pepper and barbeque.

Headed Home

As many of you know, a few weeks ago we found out that Scott is moving to a new position in the company, which will take us back to Dallas. While Scott will start his new job in Dallas soon, Annie and the girls will remain in Shanghai until the end of the school year.

Although we are excited to get back to the country that is home to On the Border and Outback Steakhouse, we are really going to miss China. We had no idea when we decided over two years ago to take this assignment that we would find a home away from home like no other. When we think back we could never have imagined:

• That we would get used to the smell of fish.
• That Juliet would learn about economics in first grade.
• That we could become so close to Xue Feng and Mr. Chen despite effectively communicating with hand signals and about 25 Chinese words.
• That we would meet lifelong friends who we will always keep in touch with.
• That one human being can balance a couch and a refrigerator on the back of a bicycle.
• That Annie would not learn how to use chopsticks ("ya'll got a fork in this joint?").
• That Scott's digestive system would "have issues" on days he doesn't eat rice.
• That two beautiful Chinese girls would make our lives more complete.

We'll continue to keep you updated on our plans and preparations and for now, "Chopstixchronicles" will not end...even once we are all settled back in Texas. It seems many of you think our girls and daily happenings are funny, so at least for a while, we'll try to keep you entertained.

We can't say too much about it here, but for those of you who have asked, we will be going home as a family of four. And hopefully in the next year or so, Annie and Scott will return to China to once again officially add to our brood.

Please keep the children in your prayers over the next several weeks. Scott will return to Dallas on the 23rd and for those of you that know our family well, you know Annie hasn't seen the inside of an oven for eight or nine years. Pray the children can survive on EasyMac and PB&J until May.

Driver, Weatherman, and Mom ... Rolled into One

We have mentioned many times how great Mr. Chen (our driver) is. He always goes the extra mile to help us out whenever we need it. One of his previously unknown qualities, however, is starting to really come out. He has an insanely accurate weather forecasting ability ... so good that he should be a meteorologist.

This time of year it is particularly cold in Shanghai, but on Wednesday and Thursday it was beautiful. The temperatures were in the low 70s and we had clear blue skies. So on Friday morning Scott checked outside and it was still fairly warm so he decided not to wear a coat to work. Mr. Chen spied him coming out to the car and immediately ran up to him and the following conversation ensued:

Mr. Chen: "Sir, jintian ni yao yifu" which means "Sir, today you will need a coat"
Scott: "Mei guan shi, wo hao de" which means "No problem, I will be OK"
Mr. Chen: "NO!" which means "No!"
Scott: "Wo hao de" which mean "I will be OK"
Mr. Chen: "NO! Jintian xia wu, hen leng ... xia yu hen da" which means "No, this afternoon it will be very cold and the rain will be heavy."

Mr. Chen told Scott to go back inside to get his coat. Following orders, Scott reluctantly went inside to get his coat. Around lunchtime Scott went outside without his coat and snickered to himself ... "its warmer now than this morning." So when leaving the office he decided to carry his coat to specifically prove that Mr. Chen had been quite inaccurate in his weather forecast. However, upon exiting the revolving door Scott was blasted with rush of frigid air that forced him to drop his computer bag to the ground and throw on his coat.

As he got in the car Mr. Chen turned back to him and said, "Hen leng" which means "It's cold." Disgusted Scott thought to himself, "fine so he was right about the temperature, but it's completely dry outside." At that minute as he placed the ear buds for his I Pod into his ears he looked up to see 5 huge rain drops simultaneously pelt the windshield. Without hesitation, Mr. Chen giggled and turned back to Scott to acknowledge his own brilliance ... "xia yu" (rain) he proclaimed.

Is that stuff legal?

One of the vivid childhood memories we have from Halloween is the black cauldron filled with dry ice to give kids the feeling there was something spooky brewing in the pot. However somewhere along the line, between the Reagan Administration and Cato Cailin’s rise to fame, dry ice became nonexistent in the U.S.

Here in China, however, dry ice hasn’t lost its luster. We’re not sure of the safety of its prevalence, but it sure is handy. Have a bag a frozen crustaceans you need to transport? … Dry ice to the rescue. Have a long drive home but don’t want to eat your ice cream until you’re in the comfort of your Lazy Boy? No problem … all ice cream shops keep dry ice on-hand and guarantee the icy goodness of your frozen treat for up to 1.5 hours.

Of course it could make for an embarrassing encounter at the office:

“Whoa Bill, how did you scald your hand? Barbeque accident? Lawnmower debacle? Power tool mishap?”

“Nope, just fumbled the Rocky Road.”

Regional Indifference

We often write about the many differences we encounter on a daily basis between China and the U.S. However, today we're going to write about something that we've observed as a universal constant ... incessant elevator button pushing.

It doesn't matter if you're in Dallas, New York, Shanghai or Inner Mongolia ... if you're waiting for an elevator, every person who walks up will press the Up or Down arrow, even though it's already lit up. Do people truly believe the more the button is pushed the faster the elevator will come? It's as if they think the elevator is saying to itself "14 people have pressed that button in the last 16.2 seconds, I better hurry my arse up and get down there."

Our favorite (and he exists everywhere also) is "Mr. Multiple Elevator Button Pusher Guy." You know who we're talking about ... it's the guy who pushes the button ... waits ... then pushes the button again ... waits ... and then again. It's like a vicious death spiral that said OCD man can't pull himself out of. There's usually a disgusted huffing and puffing that follows after the third button push before the frustration gets the best of him and he just takes the stairs, or better yet decides to ride the opposite direction in hopes that it will be faster to ride 67 stories up before heading back down to the ground level.

So as you head to work tomorrow and push the elevator button so many times that you hyperextend your finger, you can find solace in the fact there is a little old Chinese man on the other side of world that has just done the exact same thing.

Major Eruption

There are times at which as a parent you are "in the zone." You and your spouse are clicking on all cylinders, the house is running smoothly, the kids aren't biting, screaming, vomiting, etc, etc, etc.

We were in one of those zones this weekend ... all the kids were doing well and Annie and Scott were feeling really good about themselves. This afternoon, we were able snap some cute pictures of Shanna:

However, as they say, all good things must come to an end. After finishing a great family dinner, the sweet, innocent, darling pictured above turned the evening on its head. She was sitting with Annie when Scott heard an atrocious grunting noise coming from the other room. At first Scott thought it was a lumberjack trying to pass a kidney stone, but instead found Annie chuckling as Shanna geared up to "drop some friends off at the pool."

Scott went off to finish the dishes, but a few minutes later, was startled by Annie's shrieking voice, "Scott, I need you ... NOW." When he arrived on the scene, all he could see was poop ... poop on Annie ... poop on the bed ... poop covering the baby from shoulder blade to ankle. It was everywhere. We were able to get her clothes off somehow, but not before losing a wayward turd onto the floor.

The baby, sensing an opportunity for fun, started kicking and moving as violently as possible spraying poop in every possible direction. This kid, who, five months ago was born with spina bifida and had people wondering if she'd ever move her legs was using her powerful femurs to cover us in feces. Needless to say, we don't feel like we're "in the zone" anymore.

Progress ... sort of

We wrote before about Lillie's singing prowess or lack thereof, but she is making progress. Tonight we asked her to sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" to see how far she'd come:

Bla bla sheep sheep have you any wools?
Yesso yesso three bags four.
One for my miss and one for the sis who is down the street.
Bla bla sheep sheep have you any wools?
Yesso yesso three bags fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

As you can see not exactly quite right yet. So you can imagine our surpise when we asked her to sing "Row Your Boat" (which we had never done before) and it came out perfect ... kind of.

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
If you see a croc-a-dile
Don't forget to scream

Not the same version we learned back in the 70s, but some good advice as we get close to the summer months.

Oops

Tonight when Scott got home from work, his lovely bride was telling him about her fabulous day, which included volunteering for an hour in Juliet's first grade class. He asked her what she did in the class and she had this to say: "Actually Juliet's teacher (who is a lovely Australian lady) had never heard of Groundhog Day so I taught the class all about it!" She was so proud of herself for helping shape the young first graders' minds.

Fast forward to a few minutes ago when the following conversation took place as Scott was checking the headlines:

Scott: "Well Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so 6 more weeks of winter."
Anne: "No if he saw his shadow that means spring is nigh upon us."
Scott: "That's not what Yahoo thinks ... they say this long, cold winter is going to continue because Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow."
Anne: "Crap! I spent 15 minutes telling the first graders the wrong thing today ... I even made some handouts. I am so going to get fired from volunteer duty."

Singapore Pictures

Here's a photo montage from the Singapore leg of our vacation:

Juliet ready for her day at the zoo. Even in sunny Singapore, a 6 year old in shades garnered a fair amount of attention:


Scott and Juliet learning about white tigers (Is he 32 or 52?):


Juliet posing with a kangaroo (Her teacher is from Australia so we thought this might earn her some extra credit. These days in first grade you need all the help you can get ... i.e. they just finished a unit on economics ... including six weeks of supply and demand):


A few pictures from the "Singapore Flyer" which is the largest observation wheel in the world. Juliet looks much happier here than when we first got there. She was scared poopless to get on this thing. Just think if we had told her that it had just reopened two days before after being shutdown for 3 weeks after it broke down and stranded all the passengers for 6 hours as they perilously dangled in the Singapore skyline.

The next few are from our day on Sentosa Island which is a small island about 1 mile off the coast of Singapore. We took a cable car over there for a day of fun that included an acquariam visit, a luge ride, a dolphin show and some pushing, shoving, and curse words in several languages with a Taiwanese tour group that was determined to trample all three of us in order to not have to wait an extra 3 minutes for the next bus.

Quotable

We had a great time in Bali and the people were fantastic. However, there were times, when several comments left us scratching our heads.

• When we were checking into the resort, Annie spotted a lizard on the wall. She said, "Look Jules, a lizard." The guy behind the front desk turned, glanced at the wall, and retorted "No, I'm sorry madam but that's not a lizard, that's a gecko". Now, call us crazy, but doesn't a gecko fall in the lizard family? That's like saying a golden retriever isn't a dog.
• Our driver, Katuk, (who we nicknamed the Ant Man) was certainly a master of the obvious. During the afternoon, a pretty bad rain storm swept across the island. As we were driving up to see the volcano, the rain showers started. After about 10 minutes of the drops hitting the windshield and Katuk using the wipers, he turned to us and said "It's raining, yeah?" It was like he needed confirmation that it was indeed rain that was pelting our Isuzu with precipitation.
• Later on when we stopped to learn how coffee is made, we walked by a stable with a few old milk cows. Katuk, never wanting to leave a moment unexplained, "This is cow." We didn't have the heart to tell Katuk that if we were blind we could have told him those were cows. The smell and the mooing kind of gave it away.

Ants in his pants

One of the more lively moments from our Bali vacation was the day we hired a car and driver to take us all over the island to see the sites. About mid-day as we were driving across the island, Juliet started digging into Scott's back pocket. Scott immediately flinched, "Juliet what are you doing? ... My wallet is back there ... I don't want it to fall out." Juliet innocently replied "But, dad, there's something back here." Scott leaned forward to find hundreds of ants crawling out from under the seat and into his underpants.

Apparently, they had polished off the driver's sandwich and were looking for more. We quickly started spraying Off (yes, we know it's for mosquitos but it was all we had ... for those who are curious, it has absolutely no lethal qualities when it comes to Balinese ants.) We eventually smashed the ants with our bare hands, but not after 15 minutes of commotion in the backseat. The driver was, however, completely oblivious to us jumping around as he never once turned back to find out what was going on. Needless to say, Scott was scratching in some unsightly places the rest of the day.

This was not, however, our first rodeo with "critters" while vacationing in Asia. The first day we were in Thailand last October, Annie swore she saw a lizard on the wall of our hotel room. She said it had darted behind a picture. Scott investigated, but told her there was no lizard and that she had just seen a shadow. Irate but without proof, Annie dropped the subject.

Three days later, though, while opening the room service menu, Annie's lizard lept out into Scott's lap. Shocked, Scott slapped the book on the bed and pinned the poor little fella against the sheets. Annie, instead of assisting with the capture of said slimy reptile, started dancing around the room reveling in her vindication. Here's a pic of the little guy:

Happy Chinese New Year

We wanted to wish everyone a happy lunar new year. In case you missed it, last week (Jan 25 to be exact) marked the first day of the "Year of the Ox". We hope you ushered in the new year with some "lucky" foods like steamed dumplings, oranges, whole fish, long noodles, and even some algae (mmmm ... nothing says happy new year like a big bowl of algae.)

In order to celebrate the lunar new year (and because the fireworks here in Shanghai truly make you feel like you're in a war zone,) Juliet, Annie, and Scott headed out on a little vacation. We spent five days in Bali (a tropical island in Indonesia ... don't worry we had no idea where it was either until 18 months ago) and then three days in Singapore (the only place we know of that is not just a city, but also its own country.)

Here are a few pictures from the Bali portion of the trip:

The grounds and main pool of the resort where we stayed:


We had our own plunge pool in the backyard of our villa at the resort:


Annie and Juliet posing before dinner:


Scott and Juliet posing right after:


Annie being hounded by kids trying to sell her "high quality" bracelets and fans:


Waterfall (we had to buy some fans from the kids above in order to get this view):


The only active volcano on the island ... however Juliet says it doesn't work because it's old:


Storm clouds trying to cover up our view of the sunset:


Sunset on the western coast of the island:


Views from above the rice terraces:




No, Scott didn't pick a dress to match Juliet's shirt ... 90% of Bali is Hindu so we had to wear sarongs while visiting this temple: